I wouldn't say that I am having writers block. I just have no clue what to write about. I have thoughts that come through my head, but nothing that makes a solid cohesive thought. One second I am thinking about what to write, the next I am thinking about Jim Carrey as the Riddler in Batman. Then it's on to should I eat this banana on my desk.
I would have to say that it probably all boils down to the fact that I have been not once but twice diagnosed with ADHD/ADD. When I say diagnosed we are talking about off the charts. when your doctor says, "I've never seen something like these results before, I am amazed that you can sit here and listen to what I am saying". That is a REAL boost to the self esteem, OH WAIT, it's not. (Also when the Doc said that I was thinking about a bird that flew into a nest out side of their window *TRUE STORY!*)
When I was a kid, I was fairly hyperactive. In my mind, I didn't think that I was anymore active than the next kid. I would demonstrate typical ADHD behaviors. I would do my homework but not turn it in. I never knew why I would do that. I guess it was a fear of failing, or succeeding. Which really seems backward, but I would do that anyway. I was always the kid that had his desk either in the corner by myself, or RIGHT next to the teachers desk. When I was first diagnosed I was put on Ritalin and Cylert. These drugs were "Zombie" me out. I wonder if that's why I gravitate to Zombies. Who knows. I would go to school and come home and crash for the night around 5p. I hated it.
Around age 13, I took myself off the meds and learned coping mechanisms that I still use to this day. I know that I perform better if there is some sort of music on that I can get into a rhythm when I am working on something. When I go out with my friends, I need to face the wall side of a table so I focus on my friends and not who's coming in the door or the TV that's on.
Don't get me wrong, I think b/c of this I get a lot of my creative energy. I continually learn how to harness that energy and focus it into a project. It's that energy that I feel people like about me, I am excited about a lot of things and that energy is contagious. I love that. I like when I get a group of people going the same direction. I am so humbled when it happens as well.
I would say that I am just as normal as anyone else. I just have to work harder to focus. I think that when I am lasered in, there is not stopping me. I get into this zen type state when that happens. I think that's why I get into a weird mood after I do an improv show. I am so focused on what's going on, it takes me a few minutes to snap out of that.
I know that this posting wasn't as entertaining as the other ones have been, but win some lose some. Perhaps I will put a something funny at the end but I will probably start thinking about the Riddler again, see I am doing it now. I mean his name was Edward Nigma! E.NIGMA! CRAZY!
